Years ago now, for my parent's 60 wedding anniversary, my siblings and I had a reception for them. Married in 1930, with little money, they went to a justice of the peace and got married. On their 50th anniversary, they decided instead of us having some party for them to travel to see all of their kids. So they went to South Carolina, Texas, Florida, and Washington D.C. to see all of us. Now with this big event--60 years of marriage--siblings decided to treat them.
My wife and I thought it would be nice to sing a couple of songs about marriage for them. One of the songs we came across was a song called, "After All These Years." And it talked about love still being there, after all the many years of marriage, when the children were gone and on their own. This seemed so true of my parents.
How does this happen? How do people stay married 60 years? In fact, many ask, "how do people stay married for 10 or 20 or 30 years--even for 5?" Divorce rate today is about 35% for first-time marriages. One in three does not make it.
My wife and I have been married almost 34 years. After attending a Gary Chapman marriage workshop, we brought back with us a tool to help us discover more about one another. It is called "Love Talks for Couples." One secret of staying married is continuing to discover more about the person you are married to. You continue to discover more of who they are and what makes them tick. I remember a person I know who divorced after about 25 years of marriage, and the person said of their former spouse, "I never really knew them after all these years." The person never really shared who they were and what they were about, even with their marital partner of 25 years. How sad! In fact, how tragic!
Using the tool my wife and I got, we ask questions of one another such as, "Who was your best friend in high school, and what did you do together?" or "In retrospect, what did you parents do in raising you that was very wise?" (See "Love Talks for Couples," by Gary Chapman)
What are we doing with this? We are uncovering more of the "story" of one another, learning who the other person was and is, and why they are who they are. We are discovering the person behind the looks, the emotions, the day to day person with whom we live. And even after 33 years, there is more to discover and learn and come to appreciate.
It also makes us take time to "connect" with one another--to discuss things that really matter--about the person we married. It is better than the romance novels that she may read (I hope) and the sports that I watch on tv. It is worth the time to do one or two or three of these questions to learn more and learn to love more the person I married. It allows our oneness to grow, and that was God's intent for marriage in the first place (See Genesis 2).
Can marriage be enriched--after all these years? Not unless you are willing to take the time to talk and listen and make it better. Even good marriages can be better. Yes, even yours.
I was challenged at the Chapman workshop by what he said about a couple that were married over 60 years--maybe it was 70 years. They were in their 90's, I believe, and he said they attended a workshop that he led. He got the chance to talk with them and ask them, "Why do you attend this after all these years of marriage and at your age?" They told him, "We have gone to some marriage enrichment event for the past 30 plus years (maybe it was 50--my thinker doesn't always remember after a few months--this is my [Sam's] comment, not theirs), and we have found that you are never too old to learn something more about marriage."
Are you too old to learn? Could your marriage be better, even after all these years? As the 60's song said, "It takes two baby--me and you--it just takes two." Two willing to keep growing together--two still discovering more about one another and more about why they married in the first place. Two willing to look at one another as they also look up (to God) for help.
After all these years ...
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